1. It is suicide prevention week. This subject can be dark and heavy, I know, but that's because .. well.. it's a dark and heavy subject. It seems so fitting that it be in the beginning of September, because every downward spiral that I remember always started in the fall. I'm not sure if it was the return to school that always caused stress and strep throats, the impending holidays, the end of carefree summer days and the resulting return to responsibility, the birthday of a mother who had left her family, or any other number of things that could have caused it, but September always felt like the beginning of the end. I don't know how to say this any other way, but when I am depressed I am strangled by thoughts of unworthiness, ineptitude, lack of desire, and a general unenthusiastic look at everything... EVERYTHING. It is an inescapable cold dark misty room, that even if you were to find the walls would lead you nowhere. One of my favorite bloggesses agrees. She offers solutions as well as a reiteration that YOU CANNOT BE REPLACED, and I love that idea. Because, NO ONE gets my jokes the way my dad does, NO ONE loves Oso as much as I do, and I am their ONLY sister. Knowing all of this I now have a responsibility to honor those relationships, and a big part of that is to be present for them.
2. RESOURCES!!! USE THEM!!!! Meds are important. I am not a doctor, and sometimes despise them, but they know things about meds and how to prescribe them that I do not. I also hate the idea of having to take a pill every day for the rest of my life, BUT I DO IT ANYWAY, because the alternative is that black mass of heavy sludge that follows me around incessantly. I also see a therapist, am able to talk openly and honestly with my family, and have cultivated friendships with women who will call to check up on me and kick my ass to get me back in line if I need it. All of these facets are important, and like a three legged stool would collapse if one of them was missing.
3. I have had the distinct opportunity to walk a dear friend through the loss of a loved one due to suicide. The rock is big and heavy, and leaves huge rifts in the otherwise somewhat calm waters of the heart. Not only are the ripples large and seemingly unending they know no bounds emotionally, or in terms of physical distance, and, in that moment suicide became a non option for me. Through their pain I got to see how far the rabbit hole goes. I owe my undying love to a God that supplied the opportunity for me to be but one of His children. To offer Grace, Calm and Understanding to a heart torn to pieces. I could only hope that I did His work well.
4. I believe that all of this, ALL OF THIS is meant to make us better equipped to face another day. My struggles with depression, suicidal thoughts, the fight to climb out of the dark, and then the ability to give back to someone who experienced it is a gift. And with that gift I have a responsibility to give back as much as has been gifted to me, and that is my life.
So.. with that... even though I may have gone a bit far off track, I believe it is important to explain a bit about where I come from and how it applies to what my aim is. I only want to make things that are good for you, good for your skin, and maybe in those darkest days, a sweet smell can momentarily take you to another place, away from all of the darkness. I want to be the comfort for you and your skin and your body, to help you learn to love yourself the way that everyone else does, wholly, fully, and without condition.
It seems a bit trite to plug in a product here, but I was hoping to explain the correlation. The ingredients I use are meant to be healing, uplifting, and nurturing to each individual who uses them.
This latest batch used Maca Root Powder, which was prompted by one of my other favorite bloggesses explanations. Aside from all of the other cool vitamins and minerals Maca contains, it can help to reduce depression, stress and low energy levels... among other benefits. Really, with all of the over processed crap we put in our bodies on a daily basis, I just want to help everyone put more amazing things in and on their body to help make them feel good. Making soaps and lotions is also one of the things I have found that can pull me out of a funk on any given day. Not only do I get to create something with my hands, I can produce something that is useable, good quality, and filled with love, time and attention to detail. I cannot explain just how much this has given me self confidence, a sense of accomplishment, and a full belief that I am able to give back to the world and people that have helped saved my life time and time again.
I also made a yummy shake with it... just for fun =)
