I was never very good at saying goodbye.

I never really understood the obsession with the new year. Although, when I was drinking, the first week of the new year and the first week of lent were my favorite because everyone seemed to stay away from the bars these weeks, leaving me alone with my juke box full of Patsy Cline and Johnny Cash, to sit in silence and drown my own sorrows. It may have been my few many attempts and failures at new year's resolutions that helped me to conclude you can start anew each and every day. You can start that day over at any point, so why not the year. I still scoff a bit thinking about my lofty goals of cutting back on the offensive language in public, or possibly uncrossing my arms long enough to humor the idea of embracing a new acquaintance with a hug; these tasks seem monumental to me to undertake for an entire year let alone one day, so I would brush off the idea of a resolution entirely. And then I read in one of my favorite texts there are differences between resolutions and decisions. Unluckily for me they don't tell you what they are, but in my little experience having done both, I had resolutely attempted to turn my life around dozens of times. If I could only change my behavior enough to make braving the new day tolerable I could possibly stay alive another day... and each time I would "fail". Then came along the decisions. I put the cigarette out... and no matter how hard it is.. continually make the decision to not pick another one up. Fuck that's hard... and there goes the offensive language.
I still hold that all of the major changes in my life have never happened on a January 1 of any year. The day I got sober, quit smoking, opened my business, started teaching yoga, the list goes on. It wasn't until having this very conversation with my beloved that the idea that the completion of those tasks was never the ultimate goal, but the journey that changes us. I had told myself I wasn't going to smoke cigarettes anymore for ... well... since I started smoking.. and it took 10 years to quit. But I truly believe I couldn't have quit, and have stayed quit (1 year + now) without all of the attempts. I'd been suffering long before I quit putting harsh chemicals in my body, years in fact, and each attempt to quit was another step closer. This is paralleled in all of the other wonderful things that have happened over the years. Having had this experience I still am unclear why a new year is so powerful for some people, and on some level I understand completely. It's the chance to start anew with an entire year long calender to back you up.  And even if half of us don't make it past the first week or month even, it was the attempt to make the change that changes us internally. It may change us fundamentally or reinforce for us that we have potty mouths and we just don't give a fuck what other people think about it.
So in an effort to embrace the world around, to try it before I knock it, to start the clock over, I will make resolutions. And, I will be kind to myself if I "fail", because even if I don't make it through the entire year, I made the attempt.. and took the first step.
Blessings and Love to you all in the new year.
-Annie